I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
