my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
