It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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