we have pet lesbian snakes
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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