It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
When are your genitals available?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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