there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
