I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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