just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
