im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i love accidental penises.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
