Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
you will always have a special place in my vag
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
