Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
