Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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