She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
