if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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