You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
