I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
