What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I think I won the penis lottery.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
