I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
