its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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