Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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