I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
