I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
