grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
