Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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