i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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