So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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