Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
