You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
