life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I wish you could order shots online.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
