So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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