Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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