come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
