This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
That was an excessively violent trivia night
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Randomize
