overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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