PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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