i just snorted my name. best moment ever
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
