I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Randomize
