what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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