Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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