It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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