what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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