i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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