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• (248): View more from Michigan

  The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!

  (1-248): View more from Michigan

  we need a boat to join in

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva

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• (301): View more from Maryland

  White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.

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• (201): View more from New Jersey

  It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.

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• (314): View more from Missouri

  Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'

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• (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.

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• (803): View more from South Carolina

  Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock

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• (203): View more from Connecticut

  I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.

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• (775): View more from Nevada

  Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.

  (1-775): View more from Nevada

  Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank

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• (289): View more from Ontario

  In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.

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• (561): View more from Florida

  Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit

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• (705): View more from Ontario

  Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.

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• (469): View more from Texas

  I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.

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• (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly

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• (415): View more from California

  Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."

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• (260): View more from Indiana

  I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis

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