so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize