If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Michael Bay diarrhea
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
