I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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