Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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