as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize