very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
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