she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
