the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize