We won't sleep together?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
