You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
