Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Dick very happy bro
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Randomize
