He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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