Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
