oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
