Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
