so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I could fuck to npr.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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