Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
