Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
