you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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