listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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