omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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