Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
