I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
