I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
