She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
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