Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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