She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
It was a blind-side dick pic.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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