with your own penis?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
You are a genius and a whore.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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