If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
