The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
