was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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