I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
