How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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