there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
she peed on how many people?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
