I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Blood and glitter go together right?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
