If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
It's Friday. Sex?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
