I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
