physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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