I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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