the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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