This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
