If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
