She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
