i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
