she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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