There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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