She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
