he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
The Olympian is in my bed
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
